Family, Motherhood, Parenthood

Confessions: Why I Throw My Kid’s Toys Away

I have a terrible secret to share, and it doubles as advice: Every once in a while, I throw my kids’ toys away. By that I mean that I straight up toss it in the trash. Or as some like to call it – “the garbage”.

Why? (Besides just purely being an asshole mom…) Because imagine what would happen if I didn’t. And plus, it’s just really, really satisfying.

I’m not saying that I choose my kid’s favorite, most cherished toys and throw them out right in front of them, because that would actually be horrible and too much money goes into most of their best loved toys.

What I’m saying is that when I step on one of those cheaply-made, sharp-ass Burger King toys that one of my kids played with twice, I take great joy in picking it up and scanning the room for witnesses, before silently chucking it in the trash.

And I shamelessly feign concern if, and that’s a big IF, one of them remembers that the toy even existed. I have helped my children search all over the house for a toy that I knew was already in its resting place in our trash can too many times to count.

This includes but is not limited to: game pieces to a game that I know will never be fully played ever, weapons from random action figures they’ve stocked up on, the super tiny LEGO pieces that relatives forget are too small for my kids and are begging to be mistaken for candy, toys from any fast food establishment, any broken toy that one of my kids thinks we can fix but we will never fix, etc.

It’s a risky game, especially if you throw it out while they’re home and they happen to race around the corner and catch you mid-toss. Try to avoid this at all costs because the look of heart break on their face when they realize what you’re doing is one that will haunt you forever.

Besides feeling so good, I also toss these toys now because if I didn’t, nobody else would, ever again. My husband won’t think about it so who does that leave the responsibility to? And twenty years from now, my boys will be leaving the nest and I’ll be left surrounded by mountains of cheap-ass McDonald’s toys and I just can’t do it.

And that is why I revel in throwing my children’s toys away. Lol jk.

Kind of.

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